I’m Not Worried about Getting Sick


by Anonymous

I am not worried about getting sick.

I wonder if it is okay to articulate that?

Yes, I wash my hands 500 times a day, and I disinfected all the door handles this morning. But, I am not worried about contracting COVID-19.

Fears related to illness or health are not my immediate concern.

My partner is constructing a chicken house. Originally, it was a hobby-project: working with our sons to build a small structure for a few chickens. Poultry that would eat our food garbage and perhaps reward us with eggs.

Now, his office is closed. There is no work. He doesn’t know how to sit on his hands, how to ruminate on the couch. He only worries while wielding tools. And so, he is building. A chicken mansion, it appears. Big enough for more than 50 chickens. With a four-car garage and a swimming pool out back.

And then, I see; he is working out his fears but also working toward an answer. A small, perhaps insignificant answer: 50 chickens could provide some additional money, selling eggs. It wouldn’t be much, maybe just holding our family from paycheck to paycheck. But what else can he do? The office is closed, work is stopped.

I am saving all our scraps. The tops of carrots for re-planting. Seeds of butternut squash to start a patch. I know it is not much, but maybe it’ll help. Anyway, our hands are tied. There is only so much we can do right now.

The celery is already showing new leaves.

At first, I told myself it was a good science project for the boys in the absence of school. Growing watermelon from seeds. But now I’ll just admit it: I am scared. I am worried about how we will afford our basic necessities if this self-isolation and social distancing continues much longer.

I am not worried about getting sick with COVID-19. I am worried about money. I am worried about how office closures will affect us in two months’ time. I am worried about our dwindling bank account and the inability to work until an unforeseen time.

I am worried about the uncertainty of everything.

So, I guess I just don’t have enough worry left to fear getting sick.

This was the third installment in our Pandemic Diaries series. Consider sending us yours! 

Other Pandemic Diaries:
I’m Sure You’ve Lost Your Reasons, Too


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